There was a collective gasp as I walked into the church holding the IV stand, with my entourage hovering in case I stumbled. The place was so packed people were standing in the aisles and they parted slowly as I traveled to the front. All whispers ceased as I approached the casket. She looked just as beautiful in death as life, an expression that could only be described as serene on her face.I was crying silently as I approached, and as soon as I saw her they became a flood. My heart broke all over again. I leaned as close as I could to her ear and whispered for about three minutes while Jose and Dan held me to make sure I didn’t fall, before I stood and they helped me to the pew. No one ever knew what I said. That was between me, her, and God.I broke down a third time when I saw the tombstone the family had chosen. “Sandra R. Moore, Beloved Wife and Mother.”I don’t remember the graveside service or the wake that followed. One family member or another was at my side the whole time.. I was one whipped puppy. A happy puppy but definitely wiped out. We drove in silence. Josh was giving no clues about his feelings. I suppose I wasn’t either, but we had both acknowledged having a good time.I wanted to talk about everything but was asleep before I realized it. Josh told me later I’d trailed off in the middle of my first sentence. So in seemingly seconds, he was shaking me awake; we were at his house. Once inside, we had a long discussion about everything that had happened and what, if anything, we were going to do.Our conclusion was we’d take Malik up on his offer. We both cared about each other but also knew that Josh was graduating and going off to college while I had two more years of high school, so why not enjoy the sex (and get the weed) while we could.One way or another, I was not going to give up the fun with Malik, not after what I had just experienced with him. Happily, Josh saw the benefits and came to realize they far out-weighted any possible negative.
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