But of course I came right about then, so I didn't get to explore as much as I would have liked. Oh well next time. Maybe.Anal play wasn't a thing for me yet at that young age. Just once in a while, and then never very seriously - that initial uncomfortable feeling would turn me off every time. But a few days later I was reading and chilling and thought about masturbating, and the "fulfilled" feeling came to mind, so I decided to try again.This time I got some lube and the dildo and went into the bathroom where the shower seat was perfect for this sort of thing. After lubing my finger and making it slip up inside me all the way, I sat, knees spread, balanced on the soles of my feet, reaching up inside of myself, first with one finger, then a second, and then, finally, a third, stretching my anus open as far as I could to make it ready for the dildo which sat on its suction cup next to me. As I probed, shadows of the deep feeling I had experienced were glowing and pulsing within me,. As much as I hate it, I wasn't getting any better with her. I could tell she resented me for the pain I caused. I deserved all of it, of course. But I couldn't take the thought of keeping her caged in unhappiness when she deserved to be someone's one and only. To be someone's dearest love and not just my "second choice." After I succumbed to my foolish weaknesses, our relationship became obsolete. There was nothing to try and save, no matter how much we both wanted to make it all work out. I couldn't make her happy and setting her free was the best thing I could do for her. Even if it did hurt the both of us. It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the.
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