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What was I supposed to do now? There was no handy voice in my head to tell me the next move. I was alone.That kind of thinking was going to get me killed. The bad part was I knew I could slip into it. Most of my life had prepared me for taking orders from someone else. I hadn't planned to become a truck driver. It had just kinda happened. I'd turned out to be a good one and I'd made more than a good living at it. That was over too.Here and now I had to plan my own life and I didn't think I'd be all that good at it. At least I had a few ideas left from Rose. She'd poured over the maps and drawings and planned for my first shelter.Just a little further north there was a sort of path down into a valley. It had looked like an ideal setup to Rose. About half way to the river's floodplain was a sort of large shelf, a kind of second plain, which wasn't nearly as large as the one I was on now. During the spring floods high water wouldn't reach it and it was more heavily wooded.The more. The one thing she hoped, desperately, was that he was not ashamed of fucking her. That would destroy her, she felt. If her son hated her or was disgusted by her and turned away now that she had revealed her innermost desires to him, it would destroy her completely.This desire to be forced into sex was something not many people knew about. Once her ex-husband had learned of it, he had been unable to cope and so she was no longer married. Judy would not have told Johnny if his father had not tried to turn him from her. She would have gone on being in love with her own son and suffered in total silence.Was this wild, raging desire to be abused and degraded and forced to perform those deviant sexual things about to turn Johnny from her, too? Why did she have to be forced into doing those things? Why couldn't she be like other women, like other mothers? Why couldn't she be turned on in the so-called proper way? What was this driving need to be made to do those things? Judy knew that if she.
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