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"Want to talk, sweetheart?" I asked tentatively."No," she snapped. "Or yes, maybe. Dammit, I don't know what I want." She was pacing up and down."Why is Tosca so different?" I asked. There'd been none of this pent-up edginess before the Traviata opening, just a sure confidence; I was the one who'd been wired then."I don't know, it just is," she told me sharply. Then she suddenly looked at me fully for the first time all morning and her face crumpled. "No, I tell a lie, Nicky. I do know, it's this way every time I sing it, but today particularly. It's just so damned childish!"I sat down on the couch and patted the cushion beside me. "Sit down and tell me about it?" I invited.She did, and cuddled up to me. I turned my head toward her. She reached up and took my chin to turn it back. "No, don't look at me right now. Look over there at Asmedogh or something."My eyebrows went up, but I complied. She half buried her head in my chest."You remember I told you my mom used to have the Met. "I just stared at her in shock, suddenly realizing exactly what she wasafter. I couldn't help but feeling sick to my stomach, not to mention evenmore terrified.When someone went through their twist, they had no conscious control overwhat form it took. However it was well known that their subconscious mindinfluenced it to some degree. It seemed that the part of the brain thatdealt with absorbing new experiences was tied to whatever controlled thetwist because most people who went through theirs did it when they weretrying something new or different. Whatever they were doing at the timecould direct how they changed, like how my Mom had been trying out astuffed bra and pretending she had big breasts in front of a mirror whenher twist kicked in.When it happened, it often happened without warning, but could be triggeredby strong emotion. It was obvious now that Caitlyn was trying to make mego through my twist as well as trying to control what form it took.I was absolutely horrified of.
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