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It took me a couple of days to process what he had told me. He was in fact, correct. In my heart, I had killed God. Nobody is home or on the throne.It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I still find comfort in it’s familiarity. I’m also Heathen and find comfort in the sagas of my ancestors and the images of Freyja, sweet Sunna, and Hel. The Disir I adore. What’s interesting is faith or no faith I’m observant enough to know that there’s things that go bump in the night that a .357 won’t do nothing for. They don’t depend on your frame of mind. They just are.The upshot is I decided to quit being angry. There’s no sense in being angry at myself for being unable to do the impossible. I’m happier. My problems still suck but I don’t feel a maelstrom tearing me apart. I can focus on healing and if that’s not. Ru, placing on the page "My World" pictures with erotic content, the similarity of those that you can see there now. Thus began the stage of my virtual communication with men who were literally overwhelm me with compliments, Candid proposal to meet, have sex, do Wirth. They took me for a girl, and I, at first, did not admit them into their secret. But the more I came, the more I became bolder: virtual sex lessons by correspondence, then on webcam, then erotic online broadcast for many men, where I frankly posed for them in the most provocative erotic outfits that little hidden from the male gaze. I no longer hide in the virtual world of its mystery, was surprised to find that it's quite the contrary winds of many men. In their erotic broadcasts I allowed myself more and more, in front of several hundred spectators, I gratified his favorite "Realistika" under their excited komenty chatting, knowing what does and what most people think of them, looking at me. By that time, I have often.
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