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Because I found myself needing to think about what I wanted, and how I could possibly have the experiences my wife and I fantasized about, so that from time to time, our fantasies become more than dirty talk from in between her legs. Sex makes us happy.So why do we all feel the need to treat each segment of our sexual identity as something that needs to be examined and studied to make sure that we are sane?I’m totally fucked up and weird.Not just because of my writing... And the only reason I do not feel that way all the time, wanting to disappear as I torture myself with every dumb cruel and callous thing I have ever thought, said, or done in my life is because there’s that special someone out there who needs me.Who I have these happy sexual memories with...The blankets need to go on, then off, then again. The soup will not cook itself, even if some days I have to let her chop the onions.Because at the end of the day, when I finish pushing the rock up the hill and watch it fall back. The kids should have kept us from doing what we did, that was absolutely our thinking and what I based all my confidence on that things would not get out of control. My kids have been my work, hobby, passion, and source of joy for ten years. Knowing the choices I made in spite of the strength of my commitment to them gives a peak at how overwhelmingly happy I felt for a brief time last spring and summer. His wife wrote to me after the shit hit the fan, saying he said it was a terrible mistake and how did it feel to be a mistake – of course it was a mistake, but that doesn’t mean it also wasn’t an amazing time. In addition to being damn fun – and so hot – it taught me a lot about myself and who I am apart from a mom and wife. I spoke my mind freely – and that was accepted and even welcomed. I wasn’t belittled or criticized. I didn’t worry that I was being too loud or obnoxious or crass or breaking the rules – I was already doing all of it! I was having a blast for about 2 hours a day.
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