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My anger and sadness level stayed in the slightly diminished level. My anxiety and fear level also lowered slightly."You love to play with dolls." The voice said over and over again. The third screen changed from ocean to little girls smiling.My thoughts reacted to the soft voice by focusing on the third screen, which continued to show an image of me playing with dolls. The fourth screen changed to mirror the image in the third screen. All of a sudden I felt happy and saw that my happiness level increased slightly. This happiness was probably drug induced but this knowledge had little effect on how I felt. My negative emotions dropped.When my thoughts went away from me playing with dolls, I felt less happy. Sometimes depending on my thoughts, I either felt nausea or pain. I learned to keep thinking about playing with dolls.I watched my female self playing with dolls in screen number three and four and in my mind. After a while, the second screen also changed from ocean. He liked me older - and I was going to get fatter anyway. Suddenly I teared up. I didn't like to hear him call me fat. I ran from the room but he found me in the kitchen. "Don't cry, baby. You've aged, but like a fine wine. You're body is getting sexier with each new pound. I've never been so turned on by a woman. This maturity agrees with you. I'm going to build you up now. By the time we're done, you'll be a big, beautiful matron." I was at peace. My man accepted me as an old woman. He preferred it! Now I could settle down and enjoy middle-age. We finished dinner and Doug hand fed me the dessert. I ate until my belly hurt. The next morning we made love again. I could see the new cellulite on my fat thighs as I wrapped my legs around him. But I wasn't upset. I was content. For the first time in my life, I was truly content. Up until now the old anger that had made me a criminal had been controlled, but now it was gone. It felt good. We settle down to a quiet life as the mature.
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