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She started to move quickly toward the bathroom to wash it off, but nearly tripped over an empty whiskey bottle. She caught hold of the door frame to steady herself and glanced around at the dirty room and unkempt bed. She saw her face in the mirror, haggard but still beautiful and then she burst into tears."Oh God, oh God, what's happened to me?" she moaned as she fell forward on her knees and buried her face against the soiled sheets. Her lovely naked body shook with sobs as the full realization of her continuing degradation was finally brought home to her.After a while she straightened, and then sat on the edge of the bed, her hands in her lap, her face calmer now. She wondered how she had been able to play this game with herself so long. It was time to admit that Mark was gone. He was dead, dead and would never come back.But she wasn't dead, she reflected, determination coming over her face. It was time to stop this twilight existence half way between life and death, just drunk. . a lot. It's amazing!” and she kissed me again.Then she said “Is your mom staying too?” and I said “I don't think so” and she said “But you're staying, right?” and I said “Of course” and “Are you going to school tomorrow?” and she said “No, mom says I should wait a couple days and get my strength back” and I said “I think you should too”.And then we just sat on her bed and talked and laughed and kissed a little now and then, and I think I once promised myself never to keep secrets from Cait again but now I had this really big secret and I felt so bad about it but I just couldn't tell her, could I? But I decided to tell her anyway and I said “Cait...” but she interrupted me and said “I want to go back to the gym” and I said “What?” and she said “I want to go back to the gym. On Friday. You know, with dad” and we hadn't gone there for several months now, since that thing happened between us after her aunts funeral and we hadn't gone because we were afraid her dad was on to us or that.
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