You drive a $250,000 Ferrari. You get $2,000 a week allowance. You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?NOW THAT’S A JEWISH MOTHER!✧ ✧ ✧From dorsetmike‎She says “Why don’t you say you love me anymore?”He replies “I said it once, I’ll let you know if the situation changes.”✧ ✧ ✧This one is from fmwarmac‎So I asked my wife, “Why do you keep buying plants when you just kill them?”She said, “To remind you what I’m capable of.”✧ ✧ ✧Last week I bought a brand new boomerang, even though I can’t seem to get rid of the old one.People who put some money away each week just aren’t shopping hard enough.I bought some fridge magnets. So far, I have 10 fridges.A jellyfish walks into a hardware store and buys ten drills.Supermarket: a place where you can spend a half-hour looking for instant coffee.How can you spot people who can’t count to twenty? They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.I bought some Haagen-Dazs ice cream, and as the cashier rang. No, I stayed a virgin while all my former close friends drifted away to be with their boyfriends.It was frustrating as hell, and soon I was moving up to my senior year in high school!The closest thing I got to sex was watching Sherri (our head ceerleader) demonstrate how to roll a rubber onto a penis, only she did it onto two fingers.Nevertheless, I was turned on by the suggestion alone, as she held court in the girls' locker room.As a member of the stage crew, (some geek I am, right?) I had a key to the organ loft where some of the more daring of us would masturbate to the reverberations, during organ practice!You needed to have cotton in your ears, lest you go deaf, but the vibrations were the closest thing to orgasm that I knew.One afternoon, after picking out my spot, I saw these two boys sneak inside.They didn't see me, and I held back a gasp as I realized it was another of my stage crew members, along with his closest buddy.(So, I wasn't the only one to discover this.
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