*****I don't sleep well. A lot of the time, I don't sleep at all. A lot ofthe time, its nightmares, and I wake up shouting and shaking, and end upwith the light on for the rest of the night. But when its notnightmares, its about HER. I cant seem to stop wanting to be her, nomatter what I try. I'll see one of my girl classmates and the envy Ifeel is like this horrible ache I can't seem to stop. Funny thing is, Idon't feel gay, you know? I like like girls, but there is also thiswish, this need to be one that really messes me up. I must be nuts, andlike I said, I don't want to be put away, so I have to somehow hide thisand hope nobody can tell how crazy I actually am.******John's back! And the camp must have been fun, he seems happier than Iremember him. As soon as he got back, he started talking about Christand God and reading the Bible. I don't know about religion, but itsreally good to see him smile. Seems like instead of locking him up theyshould have sent him to a place like that. The two had a picnic lunch under one of the big trees that were spread throughout the garden. Jenee had never done much gardening but found it fascinating and had question after question for Natalie. Here the colors around her were almost too much for the eye to take in where she came from everything was dull, mediocre, she loved the vibrant colors of the flowers, the green of the tree's, even the blue of the sky.Several hours later both Jenee and Natalie went in to take a nap before dinner time, Natalie told Jenee to use the bathing pools anytime she wanted, there was no need to wash in a small tub or basin when the pools where there for everyone's use. Jenee with a smile thanked Natalie saying a long hot bath sounded wonderful, Natalie agreed leading the way to the bathing room. Natalie chuckled at Jenee as she stripped off her dirty clothes "it took me a long time to get used to bathing with someone else around, so don't feel self-conscious or if you want you can come back in a.
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