"I've been having these thoughts," she started to say. Another long lapse into silence. I felt she was collecting her thoughts and allowed her to proceed at her own pace. "About what?" I gently prompted her. I felt maybe she needed a little push in order to purge herself of whatever was troubling her. "It's embarassing," she said. "Don't be ashamed of anything." "Can I ask you a very personal question?" "Sure." "Have you always be a lesbian?" "For as long as I can recall. I've always had little crushes on friends or teachers or movie stars. Yes, is my answer." "You never felt....bad about being a lesbian?" "You mean other people making me feel bad?" "Yes. That it was wrong and......a sin to have these thoughts." I felt that I was now walking through a mindfield. Not only was I revealing intimate sexual aspects of my life now I had to drop another detail on her. The crucifix was a contrast to her dark skin and twinkled in the early morning sunlight. "I'm actually an. ..Carol was lost. She started to stand, then thought better of it. "Who is sheto order me around?", she thought. Feeling foolish and not knowing whether tosit back down or to stand all the way up, Carol hesitated. Karen kept talking as though nothing unusual were occurring at all. "Do youswim everyday?"Carol slowly straightened until she was fully upright. "I, yes. Mosteveryday."Karen was resting her chin in her hand, studiously observing her guest. "Youhave good tone. Turn around. You look like a swimmer, Carol."Carol half formed the thought that she needed to get a handle on what washappening, but started to follow instructions before she could consider how bestto react to circumstances she had never faced before. She thought the commentwas a compliment, but before she could say anything else her neighbor spokeagain."You could pass for twenty, Carol. Your butt is nice and firm and yourlegs...those legs are quite nice.", Karen mentioned without enthusiasm. Carolthought.
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