These sadhu-babas really can do miracles and as Meera was saying the herbal medicines worked for his relatives who were c***dless for 5 years." In my mind I was so thankful to Meera for her timely idea. At that point I was indeed trying my best to avoid probing my body by a male gynecologist, but little could I guess that this ashram visit would actually be a shameful remembrance for me lifelong. The way I was exploited in the name of "diksha", in the name of "treatment", and in the name of "jagya" makes me feel so ashamed even today, after so many years. I was exploited so very cleverly and emphatically at every level and my desire to get a c***d was so high that I allowed everything crossing every limit of decency and modesty. It was one week stay in the ashram of Guru-ji at Rampur and within that period I had to allow at least half a dozen males to enjoy my 28-year-old fully matured figure from all angles – seeing, touching, examining, groping, squeezing, and all one can think of. I have decided that Kathy and her assistant have to be man haters to put me through this hell. But then she clarifies the situation with a resigned statement "Beauty demands a price in pain."Before I have time to recover they have spread my face with a substance that reminds me of green hospital walls. The smell confirms that it came from old tombstones. I feel they are about to bury me in a pool of this beauty mud as I sense it invading every pore on my face. While I am unable to move anything above my neck my protagonists are making sure I can't move my hands and feet. I smell the nail polish that is being applied and am searching for clues on the color that has been selected for me. I think white for 'I surrender.' I would simply ask but my mouth has been set in the concrete mask. The thought crosses my mind that several women I have known in the past have described this procedure as 'being pampered'. As my face stiffens I imagine that I am being embalmed. I try to recall if any.
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